Affair
by HR always live on
Summary: Completely AU HR stuff. Experimenting with a very different idea. Let me know what you think! Ch 8 now posted.
1. Chapter 1

_Experimenting with a new and different HR idea. Completely AU, and the title will change if I continue with this._

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><p>Ruth was typing quickly to try and finish her work for the evening as fast as possible. As she came to the end, she looked around the grid and realised that both herself and Harry were the last ones working. This had happened so many times over the past year and she instinctively knew how this was going to go. She sighed slightly and turned her computer off, heading towards Harry's office.<p>

"Hi," she said softly. He got up from behind his desk and approached her carefully.

"You finished for the day then?"

"Yes," she replied, feeling her heart race, just at his close proximity to her. His eyes were boring into hers and she could read the desire and passion for her that he held. It made her weak at the knees just seeing the way he looked at her. She felt her heart almost stop when he brushed her hair off of her face, softly.

"Oh Harry," she breathed. Reaching up she kissed him firmly, a kiss filled with desire and want. Her heart rate doubled when his hand reached around her and flicked the lock on his office door down, before his fingertips caressed her waist through her thin blouse. She broke the kiss and looked at him, deep into his eyes knowing she wouldn't stop this now.

He leaned in closer and whispered over her lips, "come here." She wasn't going to argue with him one tiny bit.

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><p>They were both lying naked on his office floor, arms wrapped around each other. Ruth rubbed her face slightly, sitting up. "I have to go," she said quietly. "My husband will start to wonder where I am."<p>

"I know," Harry replied sadly.

"Don't look at me like that," Ruth said as he used his famous puppy dog eyes on her. "Your wife will call if you don't get home soon, you know she will." Ruth reached for her bra and slowly started getting dressed as Harry watched. By the time she was brushing her hair out with her fingers Harry had slipped his trousers back on and was watching her.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Ruth said, kissing his lips briefly. "Can you deal with the CCTV?"

"Sure," Harry agreed as she walked away. He watched through a crack in the blinds as she slipped her coat on and tied her hair up. Before too long she was vanishing through the pods. He sighed as his office phone rang. He picked it up quickly.

"Hi darling," he said. "Yes, I'm just finishing. I'm on my way home. Love you too. Bye." Harry swallowed uncomfortably as he put the phone down, feeling the guilt swap him. He shrugged on his jacket and picked his keys up. He was going home.

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_This fic seems a little like car crash TV. I can see it going into absolute mayhem and chaos but can't stop writing it. I do hope people are enjoying this rather different direction of Harry and Ruth. Trying to keep this from turning into an M rated fic too._

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><p>Ruth unlocked her front door with a feeling of gnawing guilt in her stomach. She always felt that gnawing guilt after her trysts with Harry but it wasn't enough to make her stop. "I'm home," she called. She walked into the kitchen and saw Simon sitting by their kitchen table, cradling a glass of wine.<p>

"You're late," he said quietly.

"I know, I'm sorry," she said. "There were things I needed to finish before tomorrow. I should have called."

"Ruth, why won't you talk to me anymore? I know you're a private person but recently you've been becoming so distant."

"Do we have to do this now?" Ruth asked, feeling both emotionally and physically drained.

"Well, then tell me when?" Simon asked. "You've been like this for months."

"I'm just stressed at work that's all. The weekend," Ruth replied. "We'll have a proper discussion about it all at the weekend, I promise."

"Okay," Simon agreed easily. She loved that about her husband, that he didn't push her until she was ready, no matter how serious things may be. "I'm going to bed, are you coming?"

"Give me half an hour," Ruth said with a smile. "I want a shower, but then I'll join you."

"Okay." Simon stood up and kissed her briefly. Ruth smiled slightly as they both went upstairs. Once she was alone in the bathroom she quickly stripped and started washing herself in the shower, feeling awful. She loved Simon, she did. But the way Harry looked at her, the way he made her feel was surreal. She always felt guilty afterwards, but at the time she just seemed incapable of stopping it. Harry made her feel more alive than she thought was possible.

Ruth turned the hot water off and listened to the silence in the room. She guessed her husband was reading, because he didn't sleep when she wasn't there. Wrapping her dressing gown around her damp body she got into bed next to her husband who quickly turned the lights off. "Goodnight."

"Night," she replied as she felt Simon squeeze her thigh. Her first thought was it didn't feel the same as when Harry touched her. Then she pushed that out if her mind and closed her eyes.

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><p>Harry closed his front door behind him, setting the security alarm as he walked into the kitchen. Jane was banging thing louder than strictly necessary. "Dinners ruined," she said.<p>

"You're too late."

"I'm sorry, I should have called."

"You never have before, why change now?" Jane said snidely. Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and waited until he felt her relax against him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her neck. "I should have called."

"Harry, you always call when you actually are working late," Jane said, pushing his hands away from her and turning to face him. "Its when you're with another woman that you don't bother. Who is it this time?"

"Jane, calm down," Harry said.

"I can tell," Jane said. "You get that look in your eyes, halfway distant and longing, and halfway wishing I was someone else."

"There's no one else," he lied, reassuring her.

"Good, because I don't think I could take it," Jane said, trying not to cry. "I stayed with you when you cheated on me, because we had kids, and I didn't want to raise them alone. You promised me that American witch would be the last one eight years ago. And I've never suspected since then but you're falling back into the same behaviour. Our children have grown up and left, if you're cheating on me…"

"I'm not," he lied. "I had a very long conversation with Towers. He didn't want to give in."

"Okay," Jane said quietly, not entirely sure she believed her husband. "I'm going to bed, help yourself to food."

"Okay, I'll be up soon." Harry felt guilty for lying to her. Not so much for the continuing affair, because he loved the way Ruth was with him. She was so different to any woman he'd ever known. He opened the fridge and helped himself to some readymade sandwiches while thinking about the first time he'd met Ruth. It had been a year ago, maybe a little more when he started looking for a new analyst. Her interview had gone really smoothly and academically she was clearly the right person for the job. Privately he did admit that he was very attracted to her, but he had never planned to conduct an affair with her. One thing he'd learnt in the last twenty years was that illicit affairs at work never went well. They'd been professional, maybe even friendly but nothing more.

Until the American Embassy threw a very posh joint intelligence ball. Ruth's husband had refused to attend, not approving of his wife's career or long hours. Jane had been intending to accompany him but Catherine had come home in floods of tears from her latest break up and Jane hadn't wanted to leave her but understood that Harry had to go. So they had both arrived at Grosvenor Square without their respective partners. Harry will never forget how she looked when she'd arrived that night. A black flowing beautiful dress that skimmed over her body wonderfully. The top half was more revealing than anything she'd ever worn to work and his guesses about her figure had been accurate. In fact his fantasies might have been slightly poorer than the reality. Then she smiled at him, that half shy half confident little Ruth like smile. That was the first time he'd been thoroughly convinced she was attracted to him. He'd thought in the past it was possible but that little smile convinced him. "Oh God," he said to himself as the memories faded away slightly. He was in a hell of a situation now and he had no idea how to get out of it.

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><p>Ruth woke up at five a.m. with her husbands arm thrown across her stomach. She didn't realise that her thoughts now were mirroring Harry's of the night before. She hadn't planned to have an affair but at the point of the American Embassy party it had been so long since she'd slept with her husband, and Harry had so clearly wanted and desired her. The look on his face everyday at work told her that but especially how his eyes had trailed over her figure in that dress. And how handsome he looked in that freshly pressed crisp white shirt, his eyes burning over her. That night there had been less than innocent flirtation going on between them for a time, accompanied by smiles and alcohol. Eventually they had left the ballroom and he had taken her hard and fast against a wall in a tiny alcove. It wasn't making love or even sex really. It had just been a quick fuck and she knew that he could tell it had been a long, long time since she'd been with a man.<p>

When she got home that night she felt like the guilt would drown her. She had vowed that she would never do it again because of how disgusted she felt with herself. It had taken a month before she'd gone back on that promise to herself. And it had been even better than the first time. Mind numbingly, screamingly good. Better than anyone she'd ever slept with before, as opposed to the first time with Harry which had been simple desperation. And she hadn't stopped sleeping with him either. She had learned to deal with the guilt but there were times when she couldn't believe this is what she had sunk down to. She often asked herself to try and remember how happy she'd been on her wedding day, but somehow she couldn't do it. That happiness from five years ago seemed impossible to recall let alone achieve.

She knew that if Simon found out how deeply she'd betrayed him it would all be over. He'd leave her because he would never trust her again and she couldn't say she blamed him. She didn't deserve his trust. She didn't deserve anyone's trust really did she? Ruth gently moved his arm from her stomach and got up to look in the bathroom mirror. Her hair had still been damp when she fell asleep last night so she put all her concentration into brushing the knots and tangles out of it.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry was slightly late into work that morning. He'd been up most of the night worrying so he had ended up oversleeping. As he walked onto the grid he saw Ruth on the phone, clearly a work related call. She threw him a slight smile and he felt his heart skip as her eyes sparkled a gorgeous blue at him too. God, he couldn't resist that look from her. He was thrown back to the look on her face last night when she… Harry shook his head trying to clear the image and got to work.

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><p>Later that day the same scenario came around again. Ruth and Harry alone on the grid as everyone else went home. She knocked on the door once and went in slowly, closing the door behind her. She stayed near the door, feeling safer if she were near an exit. Harry stood up the second she came into the room and she felt the air get very thin. He always did this, make her head swim like this. Make it impossible to think clearly.<p>

"Oh God Harry," she whispered. Suddenly what she came in here to say had vanished through the door. He lifted a hand and traced one finger along her hair line painfully slowly. His finger moved down to the crows feet he made her forget even existed, his touch travelled over her cheek, down her neck and across the neckline of the skin her blouse revealed, tantalisingly slowly. In the moments it took for his eyes to raise and capture her own she knew she was going to give in. She closed the gap and kissed him for all she was worth.

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><p>Ruth found herself slipping to the floor, still wearing her bra but not much else. She found her knickers and pulled them on quickly getting dressed again. Once her shirt was buttoned up she looked at Harry who was studying her with a strange look on his face. "What is it?" he asked.<p>

"I can't keep doing this Harry," she said, shaking her head sadly. "I can't keep this affair going."

"Its been months," he said standing up and facing her.

"I know," she said. "I just can't do it anymore, that's what I came in here to say."

"You had no problem sleeping with me once more for good measure though did you?" Harry asked, surprised this was coming from her now.

"Harry, we're both married, this is wrong," she said slowly. "I can't keep cheating on my husband. You've got two children and a wife, I can't keep doing it."

"You're not in love with him," Harry said accurately. They'd never discussed their respective partners in much detail before.

"I stood in a church and vowed to spend the rest of my life with him," Ruth said sadly. "And five years later I'm carrying on an ongoing affair behind his back and he has no idea how badly I'm betraying him."

"But you don't love him," Harry reiterated in a soft voice she adored to hear.

"Of course I don't," she replied, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I'm in love with you." Neither of them had ever said that before. "I can't deal with the guilt anymore."

"Ruth, you are an amazing woman. I don't want this to end. Between us, I don't know how I'd bear it."

"Go home to your wife," Ruth said. "I need you to leave me alone."

"Oh God Ruth," he said in a harsh whisper, one hand cradling her face. "Do you really want me to leave you alone?"

"Want? No, I don't. But I do need you to do it, because I want to fix my marriage without guilt of our illicit relationship drowning me."

"Do you really want to fix your marriage?" Harry asked, a lot of meaning behind that. "I love you Ruth. If you asked me to, I'd leave Jane for you."

"No, I'm not asking that, and I would never ask that. If we both did leave them, do you think our relationship would work?" Ruth asked. "Its secrecy and sex, that's the high. Its an illusion Harry. We would never work."

"I don't believe that," he said.

"How many affairs have you had?" Ruth asked bluntly as she picked her skirt up and buttoned it. "I don't care, just be honest."

"At least a dozen," he admitted.

"And you still think we'd work away from the hiding and the sordid secrecy?" she asked.

"I've never once offered to leave my wife for any other woman," he said honestly.

"Maybe that's true, but I can't do it Harry." She leaned across him and kissed his cheek. "From now on we're colleagues, nothing more okay?"

"If its what you want, then yes." Ruth nodded and left his office, sliding the door quietly shut behind her.

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><p>Sitting in her car a mile from home she kept wiping her face to try and dry the tears which she couldn't stop shedding. Eventually she calmed down enough to pick up her phone and called Simon. "Hi," she said in a voice approaching normal as much as possible.<p>

"Are you alright?"

"Yes," she said. "Stopped some bombs at work today, I'm just a little stressed that's all. I'll be home in about twenty minutes."

"Okay, thanks for calling," he said with such sincerity that it made another tidal wave of guilt swamp her.

"I'll see you soon."

"Bye love." Ruth disconnected the call before dissolving into another fit of tears.

"Oh God Harry, why do you do this to me?"

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><p><em>Following its own little storyline this one.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

Ruth hurried onto the grid the next day only about ten minutes late, hoping no one had missed her. She had been distracted all night and she didn't want to give Harry an excuse to criticise her. Not when she'd broken up with him just the night before. She felt thankful that throughout the morning he didn't bring it up.

It was late afternoon a couple of weeks later by the time the awkwardness really started to set in. Ruth knocked and went into Harry's office with a file on the American contingent they were currently vetting. There were no problems but she was obliged to get Harry's signature on the forms. As soon as she entered the room all she could see in her minds eye was Harry kissing her, pinning her up against the wall. She shook her head slightly because she did not want to go back to sleeping with him, no matter how much her body was betraying her. "I need your signature."

"Of course," he said taking the files from her and quickly signing. He handed them back to her.

"Ruth."

"No," she said firmly. "You cannot talk about us, not here and not now."

"How do you know I was going to?" Harry asked.

"The way you say my name," she said, looking him straight in the eye. "I meant it. I've ended this and it won't be starting again."

"I know you did," he replied. "You don't say things you don't mean. It doesn't mean I don't miss you."

"You miss the sex," Ruth said bluntly.

"No I don't, I miss you."

"I'm going to tell my husband," Ruth said, surprising him.

"Why if you wanted to end it?" Harry asked.

"Because I can't deal with the lying. I despise cheaters and I've turned into someone I hate," she said sadly. "I need to tell him. He'll probably leave me but I can't keep quiet. I've ruined my marriage and its entirely my fault."

"If it was just sex you wouldn't tell him," Harry said firmly. "It hasn't been just physical between us and you know that."

"Harry, I do have feelings for you which makes me the worst kind of cheat in the world. I'm going to come clean. Thanks for signing the forms." Ruth nodded once and left his office. Harry watched her go feeling an impending sense of doom.

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><p>Ruth walked into her house that evening feeling like there was lead in her stomach. Simon was in the living room watching the TV. He looked at her with a smile which made her feel even worse. Ruth picked up the remote control and turned the television off. "I have something I have to tell you," she said quietly.<p>

"Go on."

"I've been having an affair." The look in his eyes showed a deeper betrayal than she thought possible. His blue eyes ad such a fire of hatred burning there that she felt even worse. Eventually he spoke.

"How long?"

"Months," she admitted.

"You bitch," he said harshly.

"I deserve that," she said.

"Who?"

"Does it matter?" Ruth asked.

"I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife behind my back," he said standing up and gripping her arms tightly.

"Harry."

"Your boss, could this get any more sleazy?" he asked. "Why?"

"I don't even know," she said sadly. "I'm sorry."

"No, you do not get to apologise for this," he said. "How could you?"

"I don't know. If I'm being honest it was exciting and nice to be wanted."

"So because after knowing you for eight years I didn't pay you as much attention as I used to, you went and had sex with another man? Your boss? Someone you have to see everyday, how the hell am I ever meant to trust you again? Why are you even telling me?"

"Its over with him," Ruth said. "I don't want to lie to you anymore, that's why I'm telling you."

"Get out," Simon said. "Get out of my house you whore." Ruth nodded. She'd half expected that anyway so she looked at him one last time before turning around and leaving him. She would have another conversation with him when he calmed down. But she knew that she'd ruined her marriage the first time she'd slept with Harry. There was no one to blame but herself.

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><p><em>I'm finding this difficult to write and have sort of fallen out of love with this story. Don't know if I should continue or leave the experiment there. Thoughts?<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_People were really encouraging and this chapter came a little easier to me, so I'm posting today again as a thank you. People wanted to know more from the beginning so I've tried to include that in Ruth's thoughts here._

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><p>Ruth woke up feeling physically comfortable but mentally in torture. She would have to have it out with her husband at a later point in time. She thought she'd feel like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders but she didn't. Another thing she hadn't considered was that fact she now had to go into work in the same clothes she wore yesterday. The irony is that everyone would be thinking she'd been at it all night, when the reality was she'd thrown away both her husband and her lover.<p>

She was currently in a hotel room but needed to find a flat. She doubted very much that Simon would ever stay with her now, but she'd known she needed to tell him the truth. She couldn't have lived with herself if she hadn't. Laying in bed she thought about the first time, when she'd come home in her black dress still feeling Harry's touch on her skin. She had felt so guilty that the only thing she could do was get in the shower and silently cry while her husband was in bed waiting for her. She had scrubbed her body viciously, unable to believe what she'd done. The next day at work she hadn't been able to face him. Had only spoken about work related incidents, nothing more. He had seemed to accept that she did not want to mention it again and obliged. She had not once been alone on the grid with him since that night, not wanting to risk temptation. One night she hadn't had any choice. Her paperwork was needed after a bomb in Whitehall, leaving her and Harry alone. She had sent the information off and gone in to say goodnight to him. He had looked so ruffled and handsome and gorgeous that she'd been weak and given in. And the cycle of guilt had started again. And then again. Somewhere along the way she'd stopped having an affair because it was enjoyable and the sex was good. Instead she was having an affair because her heart had become involved, and it became more and more difficult to stop. Her heart was so far lost that she didn't know what to do anymore. So she'd done the only thing she could think of and confronted her husband with the only weapon she had. The truth.

She shook her head to clear the flashing images of the last few months of her life and got out of bed. She got dressed and tied her hair up so the tangles wouldn't be quite so evident before heading into work, to try and work on finding someplace for her to live.

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><p>During work that day she had a call from her husband. "I'm downstairs in the lobby. Can you come down? I don't have the security to come up."<p>

"Sure," Ruth said, knowing she owed him at least that much. She quickly left the grid and saw him pacing downstairs. "Hi."

"Do you love him?" he asked.

"I do have feelings for him," she said, wanting to be honest but also not wanting to hurt him either.

"Do you love him?" Simon repeated.

"Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"I think that's my answer," Simon said. "I want you to sign this." Ruth looked at the forms he gave her and she gasped.

"You already had divorce papers drawn up? In less than twenty four hours?"

"I've had them for about two months," he said sadly. "It wasn't working, I just didn't know why. Now I do know why and it hasn't changed my mind."

She looked at the papers and saw that he'd already signed it. "Do you really want me to sign this? For us to be over?"

"Ruth, would you leave your job, because I can't trust you in the same building as that man. Would you?"

"No I wouldn't," she said truthfully.

"Then yes I want you to sign it. I can never trust you ever again. I never thought you would ever cheat. You are not that type of woman. You don't cheat Ruth, you know it isn't you. So it makes me think that he means a lot more to you then our marriage ever did." She couldn't deny it. Once she'd told her husband about her affair she'd allowed her brain to start thinking about how much Harry really did mean to her. After all, she'd thrown away her marriage for someone who she wasn't even with anymore.

"Give me a pen." Simon passed her one and she signed her name. "I'll be over when I'm finished here to pick up some of my things."

"Okay," Simon said taking the papers back from her. "Goodbye." Simon turned and left the building and Ruth stared at her wedding ring feeling hollow. She twisted the metal band around her finger and gently slipped it off and put it in her pocket.

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><p>Two nights later Ruth had managed to find a new flat and was more or less settled. She hadn't heard from Simon again. He hadn't been home when she'd picked up her things and Ruth knew that wasn't a coincidence. She was alone with Harry that evening but had absolutely no desire to do anything less than professional. After about an hour she was surprised out of her study on Japanese terrorists by Harry approaching her desk.<p>

"You should be going home," he said in a soft voice.

"Yes I probably should," she agreed. "Not a whole lot waiting for me there though."

"Simon?"

"Not my husband anymore," she said looking at him. "Its my own fault. I don't blame him in the slightest."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Are you really?"

"Could you see yourself being happy with him again?"

"Not really no," she admitted.

"Then no, I'm not really sorry." The words were harsh but the voice he used with it wasn't.

"Just because he left me doesn't mean I expect you to leave your wife," Ruth said. "It wasn't about that, there just wasn't any trust there anymore."

"Ruth, I love you."

"I know you keep saying it, but this, us, its so sordid. Do you ever think we'd really work together?" Ruth sighed as she tried to explain more. "Say you left your wife and we ended up together, would there really be any trust there? Because of how we started? I can't see it."

"Ruth…"

"Goodnight Harry," she said with a smile as she picked up her bag and headed home. Harry looked at her desk and saw her gold wedding ring resting there. He didn't want to take it because it seemed wrong but he also didn't want to leave it there where it could so easily be misplaced. He spent a long time looking at that wedding ring before leaving it exactly where it was and going home.


	6. Chapter 6

_As Richliga requested, the next update today. Really pleased with all the reviews so thank you all so much!_

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><p>Harry unlocked the door, knowing his house would be empty. Jane was out with her friend tonight and he guessed neither of his children would show up as it was a Friday night. Both Catherine and Graham had their own flats in London but they frequently popped up back home when they weren't expected. It was nice to have his children so close to him, both emotionally and physically. He knew that had Jane left him when she discovered his affairs years ago, he wouldn't be this close to either of his children.<p>

He'd barely taken his coat off when the doorbell rang. He felt anxious because the timing felt like someone had been watching him. He carefully opened the door and then sighed, moving into the hall and allowing Ruth's now ex husband to come into the house. Harry lead the way into the kitchen and instantly unscrewed a bottle of whisky. "I think I'm going to need one," Harry said indicating the bottle. "Do you want one?"

"No," Simon said. "I want to know why you're sleeping with my wife."

"Two things, firstly I'm not sleeping with her anymore, secondly I hear she isn't your wife anymore either."

"My God, it didn't take her long to tell you that did it?" Simon said. "Did you celebrate with a quick shag?"

"I'm not sleeping with her anymore," Harry said taking a large sip of whisky.

"What would make you go after someone else's wife?" Simon asked, his eyes burning.

"It wasn't like that," Harry said.

"No? You knew she was married before you even met her! Why would you sleep with her?" Simon looked furious and Harry couldn't blame him. He was the wronged party here, as well as Jane but Harry didn't know what to say to him.

"It was an affair," Harry said. "And the reasons for affairs are never pretty or noble or even decent. But we kept doing it because after a while it wasn't just sex. Our hearts got involved, and I'm not sorry I did it, but I am sorry that she was your wife." Harry didn't get a chance to say anything because he felt a blinding pain in his jaw. Simon had punched him, not that he didn't deserve it.  
>"Is there anything else you want to say?" Harry asked, trying to stay calm.<p>

"You are a cheating bastard and I think the two of you deserve each other." Simon stormed out of the house and passed Jane who had heard the end of the conversation in the corridor. She walked into the kitchen seeing Harry refill his glass and dropped her handbag on the floor with a thump which made Harry look up.

"Hi," he said.

"Are you trying to figure out which lie I'll believe this time?" Jane asked, furious.

"I was going to tell you," Harry said honestly.

"Tell me what? That you were sleeping with another woman again?"

"Yes," Harry said. "And that I want a divorce. I can't stay married to you Jane. Is this what love is? A string of affairs and we don't even like each other anymore? We agreed to stay together for the kids, but they're living their own lives now. I can't stay with you."

"So this is my fault? You selfish bastard. Always putting everything above me, your job, your career, other women, and now you're leaving me for one of those tarts? I have forgiven you for a lot Harry. More than any other woman would have done and this is my thanks?"

"Whoever she is, it will be someone. And this "tart" as you call her… we're not together anymore."

"Because from what I overheard her husband found out! How could you Harry, you looked me right in the eye and told me you weren't having an affair."

"I'm sorry." Jane slapped him. It wouldn't have hurt too bad if it hadn't been in exactly the same place Simon had punched him. Because it was, it made it sting rather spectacularly.

"I want to know who she is, how long this was going on and what you see in this woman who seems to have torn two marriages apart!"

"Do you think that will help?" Harry asked, trying not to stretch his jaw painfully.

"I want to know, I deserve the truth." Her eyes were burning with fire and he knew the easiest thing would be to tell her the truth.

"Ruth, I work with her," Harry admitted. "It went on for months."

"You total bastard, I hate you." Jane was breathing heavily now. "How old is she?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes," Jane said.

"Thirty eight."

"Oh, so you are carrying on in fine fashion, just as you always used to," Jane said. "Always going for the latest update, the newest model."

"Age has nothing to do with it," Harry said. He reached for her intending to hold her arms carefully to calm her down.

"Don't you dare touch me! And you aren't leaving me, I'm leaving you, which I should have done at least ten years ago." Harry stayed perfectly silent as he heard his wife rant and rave as she went upstairs and randomly threw things into a bag. He didn't move until he heard the front door slam shut behind her. And even then it was only to top up his whisky.

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><p><em>After the dodgy chapter posted this morning, I'm getting into my stride with this one now! Thanks for everyone sticking with the unusual premise.<em>


	7. Chapter 7

Harry came onto the grid the next morning late. He'd waited outside his house and watched as Jane appeared, as he thought she would to pick up some of her things when he left. Once she'd left with a few more belongings he'd driven to Thames House.

"What the hell happened to you?" Adam said loudly as Harry appeared. Ruth looked up at that to her boss slash ex lover. He had a clear red handprint on his face and the way his eyes bored into hers… it didn't take much for her to work out what had happened. Harry didn't reply to any of the stares and went straight through to his office. Ruth waited about ten minutes before following. She didn't know how much her colleagues were aware of their relationship but she hadn't heard gossip beyond the general private flirting they displayed when they had been unable to help it.

"I think I'm joining you in the divorced club," Harry said with a sigh.

"The handprint on your face was a little bit of a giveaway," Ruth admitted sitting opposite him.

"She was angry," Harry said. "And I can't blame her one tiny bit. I actually think I got off lightly considering. Your ex husband can throw a punch too."

"God, he came to see you? What a bloody mess," she said shaking her head.

"I deserve it. If I'd lost you like that I'd be living in a whisky bottle."

"Just because she left you doesn't mean that I'll be coming running back to you," Ruth said accurately.

"If she hadn't stormed out, I'd still have left her."

"I think I know that," she said.

"You think?"

"Fine, I believe that, is what I meant," she edited. "But I need time on my own. Without you confusing every single thing I do." Harry didn't react except for the slight twinkling of his eyes.

"I understand," he said slowly. He reached across the desk for her hand and she allowed him to hold her gently, fingers entwining. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting for you."

"No you won't Harry," she said, but there wasn't any malice there. "You are not a faithful man, and I'm not in the business of changing people, it never works. I'm not saying I've been innocent in this, far, far from it. You have a history of sleeping with whoever is available. You won't wait for me."

"Ruth…"

"I don't expect anything," Ruth said. She let go of Harry's hand and stood up, looking at him sadly. "I'll work on the Iranian links the Americans have given us and give you the report later."

"You do that," he said, watching her leave. He hadn't expected her to fall into his arms but the way she was talking, it was like it was never going to happen. She never expected them to ever make it work, and that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be with her because he loved her more than he thought possible. When he met his wife all those years before he thought that was love, and maybe it was. But this with Ruth was more ferocious, fierce and unstoppable. The other women he had slept with behind his wife's back had been lust, attention and simply sex. He never felt for any of them the way he felt for Ruth and she didn't see that. Maybe time would be the answer, he thought to himself. It was all he could give her.

* * *

><p>A few weeks later they were alone on the grid late again. Ruth didn't look like she was concentrating on her work particularly. She looked thoroughly miserable. Harry shut his computer down and made sure everything was tied up for the day before leaving his office and locked it behind him. "Are you okay?"<p>

"Not really," she said. "Simon's put our house up for sale. I loved that house. So hard to find an affordable house in London that I liked."

"Your flat?"

"It's a place to lay my head," she said. "Its not really home."

"You seem more upset at losing your house than losing your husband."

"I saw the divorce coming. I never thought he'd sell it though," Ruth said. "I guess it really is over."

"Yes. If its any consolation my kids hate me."

"I bet they hate me as well," Ruth said shaking her head. "Breaking up their parents marriage like that."

"They don't know about you," Harry said honestly.

"Why?"

"Because you don't deserve the hatred you'd get."

"I think I do," she said. "I feel awful whenever I think about it."

"Let me take you home while you wallow in guilt."

"No thank you," she said with a slight smile.

"Its not about us," he said. "Its late, its dark and I don't want you wandering the streets, its not safe."

"I'm a spook, I think I'm able to make it home in one piece."

"I'm sure you could but, for me, for my own peace of mind, let me take you home."

"Fine, but you aren't coming in," Ruth said.

"I'd expect nothing else," he said with that horribly attractive smile. She stood up and slipped her coat on as he watched with a look in his eyes which was slightly less than innocent.

"I mean it."

"I know you do," he said sincerely. They left the grid quietly and he took her home, behaving like a perfect gentleman. Except for the glint in his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>I'm not exactly sure how to bring them together as most people seem to want. I'm sure I'll get there in the next chapter or two, but in the meanwhile hope this satisfies.<em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Four months later.**

Ruth was typing even faster than usual. Jo stared at her in surprise. "In a hurry?" Jo asked.

"Yes, I have my first date tonight since my divorce, and I want to get home so I look nice before he picks me up."

"Trust me, Harry won't care."

"Its not with Harry," she replied instantly.

"Oh, sorry," Jo said. "Just the way he looks at you. Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed." The silence spread out between them. "So who is it?"

"An American diplomat living in London. Yes I know before you say it what you're thinking."

"He'll consider that such a betrayal. I know no one knows what happened between the two of you but I also know that both of your marriages broke up at the same time. It doesn't take a genius…"

"Jo, I don't talk about that," Ruth said. "And I know when he finds out who it is, he'll be hurt. But I like him. Steve's great."

"I'll cover for you and finish your paperwork. Get out of here."

"Are you sure?" Ruth asked.

"You always work late. You deserve a night off. So go before I change my mind."

"Thanks Jo," Ruth said with a smile. She felt Harry's gaze on her as she left but she didn't acknowledge it by returning the glance. Instead she left and wondered if she'd ever again have a relationship where the guilt wouldn't drive her mad.

* * *

><p>"Harry you have to do something," Jo said as she burst into his office.<p>

"Knock!"

"Ruth gets away with it," Jo countered. "And I need to talk to you about her."

"What happens between Ruth and myself is private Miss Portman," Harry countered quickly as Jo sat down opposite him. He did not like discussing Ruth with anyone.

"Two things," Jo said in a braver tone than what she felt like. "Firstly I know something is going on between the two of you, or _was_ going on. Secondly she's going on a date tonight. So you might want to do something before its too late." Jo quickly vanished from his office, not wanting to be trapped with an irate Harry. Harry on the other hand was wondering who was with his Ruth. Although it seemed more and more that she wasn't his Ruth any longer. She belonged to everyone else except him. Over the last few months they'd become friendly but nothing more. Which was fine, he was willing to accept that she didn't want to rush anything. It was probably the best course of action anyway. But it had never occurred to him that she might have moved on to someone else. What was he going to do?

* * *

><p>"Thank you for a lovely evening," Ruth said to her date for the evening, on the street outside her flat. It had been a good evening but she had felt a twinge of guilt in lying to Harry. Or not exactly lying, but not being completely honest either. And throughout dinner she'd had frequent moments when she wondered how Harry would treat her if they were ever on a date together. How his eyes would warm to her. How his fingers would lightly play across the back of her hand, with a gentle touch, promising more.<p>

"Thank you for your company," Steve said with a smile. She leaned in close and kissed him briefly. A gentle peck on the lips, not much more. "Goodnight Ruth." She smiled briefly before heading up to her flat alone. She locked her door and looked at her left hand where her wedding ring used to rest. Funnily enough she didn't feel like she was betraying her husband. She felt like she was betraying Harry. And that spoke volumes. She hung her coat up and took off the minimal jewellery she wore, not feeling comfortable and truly herself when she wore it. Running her fingers through her hair she felt surprised when there was a knock on the door. Her hand was still in her hair as she opened the door and saw Harry.

"I can't imagine why you're here," she said sarcastically as her hands fell to her sides.

"I heard you had a date tonight," he said in a low voice.

"That didn't take long," Ruth replied. "Shut the door behind you." Harry took her words as permission to come in and did what she asked. "Why are you here Harry?"

"I want you to give us a chance," he said bluntly.

"I guessed that was coming."

"Can you drop the sarcasm? Its beneath you."

"You followed me tonight didn't you?" Ruth asked.

"Yes," Harry admitted. "Or not so much follow you as wait outside your flat for you to come home. You haven't had him vetted."

"That's what you want to say to me? To criticise my vetting procedures? Couldn't that have waited until tomorrow morning?"

"How long've you been with him?" Harry asked, hating the jealousy that was running through his bloodstream and hating even more that it was so evident in his voice.

Ruth hit the table with frustration. "It was our first date tonight, because I wanted to see what something normal is like. There will not be a second date because I realised tonight that I am still in love with someone else. Someone who is the most infuriating man on the planet, who despite my best efforts I just can't let go!"

"You asked me to leave you alone," he said, hoping she was talking about him. "I did what you asked, until you were ready."

"I wanted to see what normal was," Ruth said. "I was out with a perfect man, getting to know each other. He was intelligent and good looking. I knew he wasn't cheating on his wife, because he doesn't have one. I wasn't cheating on anyone at all, but all I could think of was you. I saw tonight that I don't want normal. I want you, God help me."

"All you had to do was say so," Harry said quietly after her words had started sinking in. He approached her and slowly put a hand to her face.

"I know," she said. "I'm scared, I can't help it. If it all worked out between us, how would I know that you were being faithful? How would you know I was too?"

"I think we both know that our affair was not the only problem in our respective marriages."

"That's true," she said. He had a point, it _was_ true.

"And I think you know how I feel about you," he said with just the hint of a question.

"I do," she said, this time smiling slightly.

"So, my solution if you want to call it that, is to take things very, very slowly. For instance, I'd like to take you out to dinner this weekend if you'd like?"

"If I say yes?" she asked slowly, but he could see the shadow of her smile.

"Then we will have a lovely dinner together, I will lead you to the front door and not go through it. Maybe give you a kiss goodnight, we'll see how dinner goes. Does that sound at all possible?"

"Yes," she said, her smile breaking out now. "That sounds very possible, thank you."

"So, Saturday night at seven?"

"Sounds perfect," she said. Harry looked into her eyes and smiled. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and then resumed memorising her blue eyes. He moved towards the door and then stopped, turning to her.

"This wasn't what I'd intended to come out of this evening," he said.

"I know," she replied, happier than she'd been in a long time. She watched as he closed the door behind him. She hadn't exactly expected her night to develop this way, but it was absolutely what she had most wanted.

* * *

><p>The end?<p> 


End file.
